Finding Hope in Our Shared Story

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Life as a human is one GIANT experiment, and with this first post, I'm diving into the wild, unedited waters of writing what's truly on my mind and heart. Thank you for being here and for contemplating these not-quite "fully baked" thoughts... it's a work in progress, as am I.

In our fast-paced world that’s loud with division and conflict, I'm compelled to search for hope and connectedness. We carry so much stress, worry, and confusion daily -- and it can leave us feeling sad and sick. My remedy? A deep breath (or ten), a focus on our shared humanity, and a reminder that despite the headlines, we are far more connected than we realize.

This clinging hope led my students and me to start the "The Human Universals Project." For the past year, we've been mapping the fundamental similarities that bind us all, regardless of politics, class, race, religion, or gender. Beyond the obvious biological needs (yes, we all eat, drink, poop, and pee!), here's our summary of what connect us:

Our Unifying Threads

1. Born Dependent: Every single one of us spent about nine months in a womb, then entered this world utterly reliant on others for everything: feeding, comforting, changing diapers. Imagine that person you struggle with. Now picture them as a helpless newborn, innocent and vulnerable. We were all that baby once, before life shaped us into who we are now (for better or worse).

2. Constant Change & Growth: From tiny, dependent infants, we continually grow and transform. We become walking, talking toddlers, then navigate the intense physical, cognitive, and emotional shifts of puberty. Most of us eventually seek partners, form families, and the cycle of life repeats. Change isn't just constant, it's a universal journey we're all on.

3. Family Origins: We all begin with some form of "family" whether biological, adoptive, or a community that nurtures us. Because humans are inherently social, we develop attachments (healthy or not) that shape us. Although the specifics of our family systems vary wildly, and not all are warm or gentle, the universal truth is that we all originated from a place where our basic needs were met enough to keep us alive.

4. Desire to Belong & Be Loved: With rare exceptions, we all crave belonging and the profound feeling of being loved. This isn't a modern need. Ancient humans expressed these desires in their earliest writings, songs, and art. We all know that rejection hurts and acceptance feels good. This fundamental need drives much of our interaction and well-being across the life course.

5. A Universe of Feelings: We are physiological beings constantly experiencing emotions. Joy, sadness, fear, and anger -- these aren't just concepts; they manifest in our bodies, recognizable across cultures. That tightness in your stomach, that rapid heartbeat, the calm of a deep breath: these are shared human experiences. Even those who don't express feelings outwardly still feel.

6. Guiding Value Systems: Every human develops a conscious or subconscious value system or life philosophy. Shaped initially by family and community (like my Christian upbringing), these beliefs guide our thoughts, decisions, and actions. Whether we adhere to our earliest teachings or forge new paths, we all live by a framework of what we deem good and true.

7. Resilience Through Adversity: Life brings challenges, and humans, by and large, adapt and endure. Stress is universal, and we find ways to manage it, sometimes simply surviving, other times growing stronger through post-traumatic growth. Our bodies and minds are incredibly strong, capable of integrating traumatic experiences and nudging us to "keep going" even one small step at a time. I believe this capacity for resilience is inherent in all of us.

8. Hopes & Dreams: From ancient humans planning for winter scarcity to a child anticipating a birthday, we are wired to look forward. We dream of travel, careers, families, or simply a peaceful weekend. Our hopes may differ in scale, but the universal act of dreaming keeps us motivated and moving towards a future, whether it's decades away or just the next meal.

9. The Inevitability of Death & Grief: Of all the universals, this is perhaps the most profound – and the one that often makes my students wiggle uncomfortably in their chairs. We will all stop breathing one day. And before that, we will all experience intense grief of losing loved ones. This shared reality, though difficult to contemplate, can be strangely comforting. Witnessing my dad's recent passing significantly deepened my empathy and appreciation for life. Knowing we all face this ultimate truth can, paradoxically, make us feel more alive.

   
   

Connectedness in the Middle

If you're feeling sad, anxious, or discouraged right now, you are not alone. Many of us are wrestling with tough stuff. The fact that we are all born and we all die offers a strange comfort, because the vast, messy, beautiful "middle" of life is where we are most united.

We grow and change. We feel and hope. We desire to belong. We cope with challenges, often growing stronger because of them. We all originate from family. At our core, I believe we are good-willed, simply wanting to be loved. Things only get weird when we are dehumanized or let the world’s pressures push us to dehumanize others.

Experiment

I encourage a little experiment: ask the next person you meet about their hopes and dreams. Actively listen to their response and try to pinpoint the underlying commonality with your own hopes and dreams. Ask about their core values. Sure, there are bound to be differences, but they may also value love, kindness, fairness, loyalty, and respect. On the surface, we can appear so different from each other, but when you boil it down, I think we are really more similar than different.

Thank you for reading my thoughts on the universals that connect us. What if focusing on these similarities could make us all feel a little more hopeful about the world and our future?

This experiment is just beginning and I'm curious for your thoughts, fellow human.