To the 20-Somethings, the Emerging Generation
- aprilmasarik
- Aug 14
- 6 min read
As a professor, I teach large classes filled with people in their late teens and twenties. I get a firsthand look at the strengths and challenges of what some call "The Anxious Generation" (ahem Jonathan Haidt), but whom I prefer to call "The Emerging Generation." They're a unique group, just like any generation, shaped by their environment and simply trying to navigate the complexities of today's society. I care a great deal about young people (as a human first and foremost, but also because I am a developmental researcher and educator) since they are literally our future and need older generations to care for and respect them.
Toward the end of spring semester, I asked a class of 100 students, "Do you have any questions for me? Ask me anything." Amidst the various questions about my career, my skin care routine (ha!), and where I shop, one question stood out:
"What advice do you have for 20-somethings?"
My immediate answer was, "Take good care of yourselves and take care of those around you." This felt like too simple and too cliche of an answer, so I promised I'd follow up with a more detailed response once I'd had time to reflect. [Side note: I turned 40 recently, so I have been doing A LOT of reflecting.]
So, for all of you 20-somethings out there, and really, for all of us, no matter the age: here's some advice I hope is helpful and maybe encouraging. DISCLAIMER: These aren't expert truths (I have a hard time enacting my own advice a lot of the time), but rather ideal goals we can all strive for.
1. The Vessel: Your Body
This is an obvious point, but worth mentioning: we only get one body in this lifetime, so treat it with love and care. Drink water, stand up and move it around, nourish it with good food, moisturize and protect your skin. You’re probably thinking: “Duh, Dr. M” but it's often the small, consistent actions that make the biggest difference. Most importantly, don't beat yourself up if you have a pint (or two) of ice cream or skip a workout (or two or three). Just notice how your body feels when you treat it well versus when you don't. Remember, tomorrow is a new day to try your best and treat your body (the amazing vessel you've been granted) with the kindness it deserves. With age comes new developments like gray hairs, wrinkles, and various aches and pains. The good news is that taking care of our bodies today can help us handle those changes much more gracefully down the road.
2. The Powerful Mind: Your Thoughts
Inside our vessel is the mind, a powerful force for better or worse. Our thoughts, memories, and cognitive state shape our reality and behavior, so it’s essential to pay attention to them. Thoughts are like little seeds that grow and take shape. What are you "growing" in your mind right now?
I've had my own struggles with anxiety, depression, and anger. One tool that has helped me immensely is the RAIN method, a concept from meditation teacher Tara Brach.
Recognize the feeling or thought that's bothering you
Allow it to be there for a moment without judgment (*without judgement* is key here)
Investigate it by asking where you feel it in your body (e.g., a tight throat or a racing heart) and where it might stem from (e.g., a recent conversation, past trauma)
Nurture yourself by considering what you need at that moment... maybe a walk, a good meal, or just a deep breath
This gentle, nurturing process can help calm our minds while simultaneously taking away the hijacking power of negative thought processes (by naming it and not fleeing from it, investigating the source, and then nurturing it). You don’t have to follow this exact sequence every time, but I highly suggest going full-throttle on the NURTURE part. When we "let it RAIN," we can cultivate a more aware and peaceful mindset, and this goes a long way toward kind, peaceful action and behavior.
3. Guiding Principles: Your Values
What do you stand for? What are your core values? Some of us know exactly what our guiding principles are, while others haven't given it much thought. Knowing our values, whether they're love, family, respect, faith, or adventure gives us an anchor. These principles help us set healthy boundaries for ourselves and in our relationships. I think we must revisit our values regularly too because they may change over time, and that's okay! That's an indication that you're growing!
When I was in my 20’s, I valued adventure, “getting out there,” working my ass off, and playing hard (“work hard; play hard.”). Once I established myself in my career and put some roots down in my 30’s, I started to appreciate resting, simplifying, and slowing down more. I started investing more time with family and I pulled back from the “go big” mentality because frankly I was tired of spreading myself too thin. There was a big shift when I decided that LOVE was my new core value because it encompassed everything for me (love for self and love for all beings). I even got the word "love" tattooed on my finger. While I'm not always a perfectly loving person (FAR FROM IT), this constant reminder helps me return to that value and treat myself and others with more kindness, especially when confronted with challenging people or situations. What value(s) would you tattoo on yourself?
4. The Company You Keep: Your Relationships
Moving beyond our bodies, minds, and values, let's talk about the people we surround ourselves with -- and I'm talking about in-person interactions as well as people you follow on the socials. It's important to build relationships and surround ourselves with people who "fill our cups" and accept us as we are: imperfect and growing. Be open to new relationships, but don't let just anyone in! This is a delicate balance that requires regular maintenance and awareness of how we feel in the company of others. Some relationships are seasonal (thank goodness for those), and some are lifelong (thank goodness for those too!). It's okay to say goodbye to toxic connections, even if it's uncomfortable.
You get to decide the company you keep. Remember, conflict is normal and we should be challenged to problem-solve and resolve, but it’s important to realize and act when it's time to walk away. Finally, diversifying our friend groups with people from different ages and backgrounds can enrich our lives. Relationships are so important for us humans. Nowadays, I focus more on the quality vs. the quantity of friends that I keep.
5. Dream BIG: Your Future
Dream BIG! What do you want to be or do with your “one wild and precious life"? It's okay if you don't have all the answers right now, but start thinking about the daily actions and activities that truly excite you. What lights you up? Do you want to be an artist, a teacher, a doctor, or an entrepreneur? Do you want to work less and focus on other important worthy goals too, like building a family or helping others? Whatever your dream is, allow yourself to go all in. If nothing or no one could hold you back, what would you do or be?
Next, do your homework. What are the major steps required to manifest that dream? If you know someone who is living a semblance of your dream, ask them how they did it. Their tips and support can be invaluable. Now, map out the big steps first, and then break down what you can do in the next month to get closer to your goal. If you're feeling a lack of confidence, "fake it 'til you make it" is a surprisingly effective strategy. I did this a lot in my 20’s and even still to this day. The trick is to stand tall, relax your face (a slight smile helps trick the brain into thinking you’re all good), put your shoulders back, believe you can do it, and then go for it! Be a force.
Manifesting your dreams takes patience and persistence, so be kind to yourself along the way. Also, you can change your dreams and goals as you grow and evolve and discover new passions and interests.
Progress Over Perfection: We're Always Growing!
Ultimately, these five points—nurturing your body, training your mind, grounding yourself in your values, choosing your relationships wisely, and pursuing your dreams are a roadmap and not a strict set of rules (nor are they the only considerations). I know that life isn’t always fair. The world is full of struggles and injustices, and some are born with privileges that others are not. You can do everything “right” and still face setbacks. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s about progress and persistence. Remember that you're growing day-by-day. We all are.
I hope this has been helpful (?) To the 20-somethings reading this, what advice would you add to this list? What's one thing you've learned on your journey so far? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
This is helpful